Topic: Author Interview
I know this is for books and authors, but enough has been written about tonight's guest that I thought you guys might enjoy the recent chat I had with Santa Claus :-)
Me: Thanks for taking a few minutes to talk with us today, Mr. Claus; I know how busy you are this time of year.
SC: Thanks, Joyce. I like to get to know the people I deliver presents to. They are usually asleep. I often wonder if snoring is their only way of communicating! By the way, just call me Nick, Mr. Claus sounds so uppity.
Me: Thanks, Mr....er, Nick. Now that I have you here, I'm sure everyone would like to hear from you about how you make it around the whole world in one night. Is your sleigh specially made, or is it magic.
SC: Magic? I had Ole' Salty -that's what I call my sleigh-fitted with dual Supercharged 396 engines quite some time ago. With the population growing by the minute, magic didn't quite cut it!
Me: So what about the reindeer?
SC: Let me tell you about that one. Ole' Dasher was the first. He was quite a ladies' man, if I do say so myself. He was young and ...well, with all them pretty does around, my reindeer barn was soon overflowing. I had to do something.
Me: That was?
SC: I heard how being a responsible animal friend meant getting' your critters neutered, so I gathered them all up and called out the vet elf to do the job. Ole' Dasher put up a mighty valiant fuss, but he soon gave in to the Boss-that'd be the Missus in case you wonder.
Me: So the reindeer population declined a bit, huh, Nick?
SC: No-these particular reindeer come from a little known mountain village in the Alps and live for centuries. Why...Ole' Dasher is nigh on 800 years now!
Me: So...the reindeer no longer pull your super-charged sleigh. Do you still have the elves making toys?
SC: Oh, my, yes! I tried to get retailers to donate things-you know, to help make things easier on the little guys?-but no luck there. They wanted cash. Now, in case nobody has noticed, this here suit has no pockets. Where do they think I'd carry cash?
Me: I see your point. So how do your elves keep up with the growing population?
SC: Well I didn't get THEM fixed!!!!
SC: They may be small, but they are quick ‘uns! Why Rudy-he's Chief Elf-can whip out 1500 yo-yos a minute!!! I give the little guys credit; they are hard workers. And cheerful!! Why, I have yet to enter the workrooms once without the sound of singing-they learned a new one a bit back that goes something like, "hi ho, hi, ho, it's off to work we go" --wish I knew where they picked it up-I'd strangle the little scalawag that taught it to them. I'd love to hear good old Jingle Bells once in a while!
Me: Changing the subject here, Nick...Christmas is such a small part of the year, what do the elves do the rest of the time?
SC: I knew you'd ask me that L Why, they tend to the candy cane fields. At least most of them do. The rest I have stationed at strategic points throughout the world-you don't think I can watch EVERYONE myself, do you??? Someone has to help with my naughty list!! Delegate, Joyce, that's the secret. I delegate!
Me: Anything else you'd like to say to our readers, Nick?
SC: Is there ever!!! If you people would help out a bit-give some toys to kids, visit some elderly homes, pass out blankets to the homeless-I might be able to take at least a small break. I ain't getting' any younger, you know! All this not believing in me-I'm here, aren't I? - is getting me down. You-each and every one of you-has a bit of magic inside-help me out here, people!!
Me: Sound advice, Nick. Have a safe flight this year!
SC: Merry Christmas Books and Authors readers-and to all a Good Night!